No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
