my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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