Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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