I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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