she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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