I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
