look no pants
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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