Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
