At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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