i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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