I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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