so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
