My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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