got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
