I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize