He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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