I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
