I hate your face
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
