My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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