I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
