That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
