I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
