apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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