Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
