Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
