I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
