her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
