RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
birth control should be required to get into college
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
