Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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