season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
