He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
