ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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