if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
