You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
