I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
