they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
