All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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