Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
