I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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