after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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