so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
