??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
