there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
