I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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