i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
