Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
OPIZZABONMYDICK
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
