JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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