I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
