i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
