Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
