I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize