your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
