I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
