I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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