think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
