Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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