I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
