Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize