You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
