My balls are so social today.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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