So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
