it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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