Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
