I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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