So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
