awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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