Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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