Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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