You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
