i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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