new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
