goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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