she woke up with a sticky ear
accomplished twins. life is a go
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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