The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
