I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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