Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
