he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize